Recant

I find myself taking my laptop with me wherever I go; not because I'm a computer fanatic, but because of Twitter. Yes...Twitter. I started off hating it (check my first blog),but now? Well, those gosh darn trending topics have pulled me in! In my heart I still know it's a stupid concept. I still can't picture the proposal for the site, "hey, I have this idea where you just tell people random nothings about your boring life in 140 characters or less. Whaddya think?" Then, some random lunatic replies "yeah, that sounds like a GREAT idea!" If they only knew. In any case, I'm recanting my Twitter hate. I have [not so]proudly fallen victim to the latest social networking craze and I figured I'd publicly make my apology. I'm sorry, Twitter. You're clearly a great site and are #FTW! That is all.

Tis the season!

Just kidding! I'm much more of a "Bah Humbug!" kinda guy. I don't celebrate Christmas *the crowd gasps then chaos ensues* ,but in the spirit of the holiday season I figured it only right that I write a Christmas blog! Now, now...don't expect a bunch of hibbidy hooblah about how much I hate this holiday(even though I kinda do). I just think it's a lil funny (just a teeny bit) that most people have no clue what the season is about/how it started! That, for me, is one on of those "c'mon son" moments. How the hell are you not gonna know about the things you participate in? C'mon son. Get the fuck outta here with that bullshit! But no, that's not my biggest frustration. I'd have to say my biggest frustration with Christmas is all those got damned texts! I woke up to a myriad of texts and IMs talking about "Merry Christmas!" What oh what am I to do? I guess that's where I'm supposed to say "awwwww that's nice!" Don't get me wrong, I like texts. I like IMs. I like hearing from people. I just don't like having to wish people a merry Christmas when I don't celebrate it. "Well why don't ya just say thanks and keep it moving?" Because I think it's a bit rude to rain on someone's holiday parade. It's like someone saying sorry to you and you're all like "You're got damn right you're sorry!" It's just cruel! And in all my black-heartedness I'll not go and shit on someone's holiday cheer when all they're trying to do is share it with me. Eventually, I just gave up on the hope of imparting to everyone the fact that I DON'T FREAKIN' CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS. Yes. I caved and started wishing it back. I figured it's a lot easier that way and in the end, I'll have less hair in my hands and more on my head. So, to all of you on this "happy,happy, joy, joy" of a day, BAH HUM--err, Merry Christmas! *smiley face*

Not approved by the FDA

There's no sense in beating around the bush with this one. I think this is hilarious! But really, am I wrong for finding some humor in this video? Granted, I don't, won't, and can't agree with everything in this video, but from the stance of "there's niggers and then there's black people" I can certainly see how such a medication might be a tiny bit useful. For example, liking chicken is not a "nigger" thing. Dave Chappelle said it best, "there's not something wrong with me for liking chicken. If you don't like chicken, there's something wrong with YOU!" So thanks,but no thanks,Niggarette. I don't need anything curing my love for KFC! What else was there? Ah yes, adding water to milk! If you do that out of sheer laziness you deserve to be shot. That's just disgusting. Eat the cereal dry for Pete's sake! It's not that bad. Really. I do it all the time! What I did get from this satirical vid, in light of recent events, is that some of these got damn celebs could use this! Gilbert Arenas...#cmonson. What type of special idiot are you?! I never understood why people blessed with beaucoup amounts of money occasionally feel the need to fuck up like the regular, got-nothing-to-lose, poor people. If he gets locked up and anally raped(as per Tom Dubois' penitentiary beliefs) he deserves it! Well...maybe not that last part. No man deserves that, but definitely the jail time! You're rich, damnit! You have no business doing dumb nigger shit like that! Usually, I'm very against strict punishment of black public figures, as they already have so many things and people against them. However, I grow tired of hearing about the down right foolish things that they get into. I mean, some of this shit you couldn't cook up in a fairy tale! Don't look for supporting examples on that 'cause I have none lol. In any case, I say give Arenas a Niggerette and put him back on the court!

Agent Double Oh No!

In the spirit of all the sneaky things in the news lately, I've decided I'd join in on the fun surrounding the secret agent spy couple that somehow managed to sneak in the White House and of course, Tiger Woods. Now, before I go on, I must say how interesting it is that Sir Tiger of Woods's philandering is receiving far more press than the epic security breach (because that's what it was) of the White House. Now that that's out the way, onto the good stuff! Tiger frickin Woods... not so squeaky clean now are ya? How hilarious is it that he was sneaking around and thought everything was cool until he had that "Uh-oh" moment w/ a side of 9 iron to the windshield? Then the voicemail leaks requesting a name change on his side chick's greeting. Ha! Now THAT'S some true-to-life pimp shit. Tiger has control of all his hizzoes! Who'da thought? But seriously, he's a billionaire. If I make that type of money, I might feel inclined to do what the hell I want,too. That doesn't make it right, but hey, it is what it is! All in all, he's definitely an Agent Double Oh No for his sloppy cheating. Get it together, Tiger! In other news, what in the hell is going on in America why this couple was able to do what they did? I know, I know, they intended no harm (so they say), but noxious intentions or not, they had no business being there! Hell, I'm always up for some free food and beverage,but you don't see me crashing shit now, do ya? Then comes the icing on this cake of foolishness...they're trying to get a reality show. Honestly, there's no other way I can express my sentiments other than to quote Ed lover and say "c'mon son!" TV is going down the tube in America, and fast! In conclusion, the now infamous couple definitely gets the title of Agent Double Oh No for their failed attempt at getting free food. All in all, it just goes to show you how right Eddie Murphy was in his skit. If you have the right color, things are a hellova lot easier for ya!

Bad ambition?No ambition?No problem!

I'll get right to the title, as I'm sure you're wondering what the hell it's about. I pose to you, good readers of my blog, this question: Is it right to leave someone for having no ambition? My thoughts on it? Yes. But lets not make any hasty decisions just yet. Lets think about this for a sec. How much does your partner's goals (or the lack thereof) play a part in your life? I mean, if you're going to make it (whatever "it" may be) and you're going places in life is your success really contingent upon the path your partner takes? Truth be told, if you're really about your business then no; your success in life is definitely determined by you and only you. So what is the big hang-up about having goals in life and ACTUALLY trying to achieve them? Well, I like to think in terms of networking events (a particularly strange thing since I'm not exactly the networking type). If I'm somewhere and I'm asked what I do, my response will be "." Now, if the person then asks what does my significant other do (be it a wife, girlfriend or just the chick I'm putting the pipe to that makes for a good date every now and then), I shouldn't have to have that befuddled look on my face that if it were interpreted into words, it'd be something like "oh shit! Uhhh..." How about the simple fact that two people should be on the same page? I don't know of anyone who is all for the idea of one person working hard and the other hardly working. If I'm going through the struggle on the long road to progress then damnit, you should be there with me and I, with you! As a black man, as a man, as a citizen of a capitalist nation, and as a denizen of money makin' NY, I cannot afford to not be complacent. I say all that to say this: Always strive for more,folks. Be a goal digger; not a gold digger *(c)C.Maree* If you opt not to, you're not alone. Grab a seat on your nearest couch and find solace in the fact that you get a complimentary mug.

Rep where u from

What's up,world? It's been a while! Anyway, onto business-> Yesterday night I'm sitting in my car--radio on,of course-- and I notice they're hosting live from a club. What club? Couldn't tell ya, but the DJ starts with the usual NY DJ nonsene. You know, the classic "where's Brooklyn at" yada yada yada. I swear I don't understand why every popular NY DJ is from Brooklyn, but whatever; its not my business. Now before he went on his search for Brooklynites he proceeded to get the niggas all riled up asking "which is the thoroughest borough?" *record screech* uhh...what? I once heard that down south they don't allow Lil Jon's music to be played in clubs. As "crunk" as his music is, surely one could understand how alcohol+rowdy ass niggas and a song yelling "represent yo shit! Say 'fuck that clique'!" might equate to a tiny bit of a problem. NY, apparently has not gotten the memo. From my experience, after a certain level of hype, the Brooklyn folks just can't hang. They simply HAVE to show their asses! Typically, it goes a little something like this: DJ: Who's the thoroughest borough? *crowd roars as Brooklyn hype increases* DJ: where Brooklyn at?! Where Brooklyn at?! *hype level in the red* Remember, folks, after a certain level of hype, shits gon pop off. Let's watch how the rest of this situation plays out... DJ: *playing music from artists out of Brooklyn* Random bystander:*tries to walk by in a crowded club and bumps into someone* Brooklyn guy....and his fifty man entourage: yo fuck his ass up! *gunshots ensue* because you know there's always gunshots! I mean, to me, asking certain crowds to rep where they're from is the equivalent to that part in "300" where King Lionidis says to his troops "prepare for glory;for tonight we dine in hell!" But id have to say the worst part about asking where Brooklyn's at is the fact that I'm from the Bronx damnit! Where's B-X at?!

Who's Real? Who's Fake?

Who's real and who's fake? That's the question of the day.If I could read a woman's mind I bet that's what I'd hear her say. More often than not, when walking the streets, I'll see a woman or two(more like ten) that will catch my attention,but I'll also find myself looking at dudes. No, not to check them out, but for entertainment. As I grow older, it becomes more and more entertaining to watch the reactions of guys to a pretty woman...or just a good ol' fat ass! I mean there's just a plethora of approaches and none of which seem to work. Even going the compliment route doesn't work anymore. All that "hey girl,you look beautiful" is out the window with not even so much as a "thank you" or a smile. In my younger days(as if I'm so old now smh) I would've written the women off as rude bitches who think they're hot shit. However, after months of observation, I've noticed the problem...it's us fellas(sometimes).See,the problem with dudes is that to women, we're all the same and we all say we're different. So how can they separate the real ones from the ones spittin game? Some women would say to address them as miss. I say how about I don't and say I did? "Well,how do ya do it?!" Ok kiddies, listen up! The trick is not to compliment(at least not in the simple sense). Basic compliments are heard a dime a dozen. What you have to do is say something so completely outrageous that they'll be so taken aback that the simply can't help but laugh, like so:
Guy: Damn girl you look so good I'll suck a fart out yo ass!
Girl:*as she tries to hold in her laughter*LOL!
Guy:I see you smiling!<===that is your cue to go in for the kill!

SMH I always get sidetracked writing my blogs and as a result, I cut them short and end on a random note. That being said, this has been cooking with Pyro and I'm out. Konichiwa bitches!

Addiction

Addiction is a serious thing. Much like love, it causes you to do crazy things like run out in the middle of the night seeking to satisfy it's urges. It's been at least 10years since I've had this monkey on my back. So many times I'll find myself waking up, embracing the subtle taste of morning breath as I make my way to the kitchen. Yes, I wake up from my sleep jonesing for you. Damned addiction. My sweet,sweet addiction. Not ready to face the disappointment that comes with defeat, I prepare for my long journey...to the store. See, while some prefer crack,weed,cigarettes,or alcohol,I'm more of a sugar and snacks kinda guy. I've married Little Debbie,had Hostess host our reception, and had a Drake's cake with Pillsbury Doughboy and Lady Linda figurines on top. It was a joyous day. But I can't go on like this. Cheating on my KitKats with Twix. Seeing Oreos and sneak a Hershey's Kiss. Those delicious chocolate kisses...smh. I realized today I have to quit this habit. Why? Because I found myself paying .85c for a candy bar around my way. I know places where I can still get the goods for .50c! The nerve of them charging such inflated prices in the hood! I could understand if I were in Manhattan or if I were purchasing it from a vending machine, but a deli? A little neighborhood corner bodega having the nerve to charge so much for such a short fix? Absurd! I can't support my habit any longer. I need to save money,buy college books, pay for trips, I can't do it! The question is...how?

Listen up! You just might learn somethin'!

I found myself unusually happy today, which is strange for days where I have class, but Wednesday has become one of my favorite days this semester. I have a drawing class(and Lord knows I love to draw) and a class on writing about art. Not to toot my own horn, but I've been blessed with many a talent, thus affording me the opportunity to enjoy many a thing and one of those things is writing. It's been so long since I could say that I've enjoyed a class; especially one about writing, yet at the end of EVERY class I have the strong desire to shake my professor's hand and say, "Job well done!" I can't stress enough how important it is to have a good teacher and believe me, everyone can't teach! The class is actually, pretty ideal. The students participate, I learn things, needs are addressed as the class progresses(i.e. we don't just say, "Here's the syllabus and we're stickin' to it!"),we even have discussions and manage to stay on topic, but most of all I enjoy the class which means I'll do well in it. Before this goes onto some heartfelt nonsense, I just wanted to get off my chest, what I cannot yet express to my professor,lest I seem like an ass-kisser. JOB WELL DONE!

p.s.
Why does the black girl have such a grimace?!Racism I tell ya...racism!lol

Thin on the inside

I've decided to write this next blog keeping in the spirit of fat people. What is it with them and small things/spaces? I was on the train the other day and I saw a space fit for a toddler available across from me. I look up and there's this big,wide ass in my face moving about. As I cringed, I went back to reading my book, happy that at least the person is honest with herself and isn't trying to get in where she doesn't fit in--or so I thought. Wouldn't you know, she paced this way, then that way and sure enough, she got her big ass into that toddler-ready space! I couldn't believe it. It was like she was put into one of those spacevac things where they suck all the air out the bag to make your clothes fit into your suitcase better. I mean, how did she do it? Was it magic? David Copperfield where are you? No? Chris Angel,maybe? Ok, Ok, David Blaine. I couldn't help but chuckle to myself though. I don't know if it's because NYers are so used to the unusual or what, but the people to the left and the right of her didn't even react. The look of apathy was priceless! Any who, enough about her and her apparent problem with space assessment. Now I want to address this skinny jeans problem. The IRONY! Fat chicks in skinny jeans!LMAO I mean, it just doesn't get any better than that. Now, now...don't get me wrong, SOME(emphasis on some) can get away with wearing them, but the vast majority look like tops. Which reminds me, the fat girls' saving grace will be these damn dudes wearing skinny jeans! Who OK'd that?! Guys--in particular, the younger generation--you have different genitalia! How on Earth do you guys find room to fit into skinny jeans? Are you tucking? You must be. Then to make matters worse, there's that damn jerkin' dance! UGGGH!!!SHOOT ME(not really)! Seriously, that shit is gay as hell. You don't go say to another man "yeah we bout to start jerkin all day" and then consider yourself straight after that. Throw me a friggin bone here! Anyway, my distractions are many, so I'll just end it here. Before I go though, I'd like to shout out all the fat chicks that are thin on the inside!

Let's be real...

Here's an interesting vid I came across while perusing worldstarhiphop.com. A lady got offended at what she found on her receipt at a gas station and wants an apology from management. Watch as she tells her tale of gas station treachery, and losses all her points with her acceptance of a few select words.
Did you catch it? Her stating "...that I can understand; I am a black lady,but the 'big fat'?That I don't understand." (-_-)...REALLY? This lady apparently has not seen herself in quite sometime. How can she be so out of touch with herself that she can't take on the chin that she is big and fat? I mean COME ON! Throw me a frickin bone here,lady! Suppose the receipt just said "black lady". I'm sure she's not the only black lady for miles,so clearly that description alone would not have gotten her her money. Now if you throw a "big fat" on that bad larry then you got yourself a description! In fact, it would be even better if it said "big fat and eats all the snacks!" Yeah...that has a nice ring to it. So,kids, the moral of the story is this: cross in the green,never in between! Oh wait,no---that's not right. Ahhh yes! Denial of self is tantamount to blissful ignorance. Know thineself and ye shall know something or another. Look, I forgot how the phrase goes...sue me!

The Yellow River

There are few joys in the world that match the fun found in draining the lizard."Oh no, is he really about to make a blog about this?!" *pandemonium ensues*. YES! It behooves me to spread the joy I have in this act. Why? Because it is sooooooo much more fun as a guy. I can write my name in the snow. I can run across all the urinals in an empty restroom. I can stand outside the bathroom and still hit the target! It's great I tell ya! Just great! To some--perhaps to many-- this seems like the grossest post one could ever do. Well...I'm a little out there,#1 and #2, there's always #2(and I REALLY don't think you guys want me to take shit there<=pun intended lol! Let's really think about it though. You may say "eww,peeing is not fun!" yet there are many a statue of kids,cherubs, or what have you peeing in the pool(which might I add is NOT cool, however it does make for an interesting statue). Need further convincing? Think of the joy in pissing on the haters most of you don't even have. Yes, piss--in all it's nastiness--is still quite useful. Ask yourself, "What are you doing to enhance your pee experience?" I would assume, not much. Women, I feel for you...all of you; for you have to stand statically while you release. Well, you could move, but that may get messy. I say all that to say this: appreciate your piss...R.Kelly certainly does!

If this ain't some bull$%* IDK what is!

A friend of mine put me onto this video and I must say, it is shocking,not shocking, sad, and funny all at the same time. I don't normally do these judge shows, but this shit right here nigga? This shit right here? This is some unadulterated fuckery! This woman is divorcing her husband for being...*wait for it*...a GOOD husband! Don't believe me? Take a look:

The Plight of the Left Hand

Before I begin, I'd like to thank the makers of the keyboard and the makers of the innanet--yes the innanet-- for without them, I might have to arduously write this shit. After 22 years of being left-handed in a right-handed world, it has dawned on me that in the world of hands, the left hand is--to equate it to kindergarteners--the one that gets pointed at, laughed at, and danced around in a circle while all the kids chant ever-so-slowly, "Lefty McShnefty"! I really think it was an evil plot formulated during the days of the "New World" colonization. Then the corporations followed suit and said "yeah, we'll make all the notebooks comfortable for righties!" Which reminds me...why don't they have a "righty" term? What type hogwash is that? I despise the term "lefty". Damnit, I'm left-handed, not a 'lefty'! You righties don't know how frustrating it is to innocently be writing and here comes some jerk with those wretched "oh you're a lefty?". In my mind I'm screaming "What the fuck does it look like you damn genius" but I can't be so rude and forthright. I have to remember, I'm not just representing me, I'm representing all of the lefti--I mean, left-HANDED people. Then there's the people who are just getting to know you and they go and ask "so are you a lefty?" Again, who asks that? I'm going to make it my business to say "hey, are you a righty?Huh?Are you a dirty little righty?" Let's see you guys like it! From these got damned right handed notebooks to the cops bothering me because I'm black AND left-handed it gets rough out here! OK,OK, I'll admit, if cops harass me it rarely--Fine! It never has anything to do with my left-hand, but I'm sure it would if they knew! If you ask me, it is us 'lefties' who brought the world to where it is today. We are the great minds of yesterday, today, and tomorrow. Now, of course, there's always an exception to the rule or some random dude who probably hung around lefties that slipped through the cracks, so I'll give those crack slippers their credit too. It's a cold world for us left-handed people,but we'll get by...one day at a time.

Wither

It's a painful thought what the effects of time can do
my beautiful rose...
what's happened to you?
when I first picked you from the jungle of concrete
no doubt a rare thing to see on these city streets,
a beautiful
a vibrant
a resilient rose
MY resilient rose...or so I thought
my,my,my how you've let yourself go
and every ounce of beauty seems to wither away as the seasons go
I'll ask you again. now let me know...what happened?!
I'm watching your petals fall to the floor
and my attraction to you is steady knocking on heaven's door
see I can't take this too much more
'cause when fun turns to a bore that means its time to run away
I've watched u turn from a radiant red, to gloomy gray.
used to seeing you glisten even under raindrops
unmotivated to maintain yourself I've seen another petal drop.
what's next?
your personality I guess.
see, that's the one petal you have left
and with that I hope for the best, but still...
why wasn't I warned?
it's like the more I stay with you,the more I get stuck my your thorns.
eventually that'll lead to more scorn,but in time all wounds heal..or so they say
and I can't promise anymore that I'll be here to stay
"it's just me and the thorns now"
well I won't wait for that day.
sadly I can't save you
I guess you'll just wither away.

Till the death of my last nerve do we part.

Marriage. Some say it's a beautiful thing. Others(the ones who haven't yet lost their sanity) say it's nothing more than prison for the willing. As for the fence straddlers...well...they're fence straddlers! Screw them and their indifference! I pose to you the question: Is marriage worth it in the good ol' U.S. of Today? Well, let's see. There are many factors one has to consider. For starters, how high up on the totem pole are you? If you're making a hefty amount of money then I'd say there's no way in hell marriage is worth it. If you're a celebrity, forget about it. Let's not have another Britney situation or even worse, the dreaded divorce! I shed one tear drop every time I see one of these celebrity soon to be ex-husbands getting the non-lubed shaft that divorce has to offer. "Oh but he cheated on me and blah blah blah". So that means you should and have right to beat him in the head and the pockets through alimony? I call bullshit on that play! Hell, if you got used to a certain standard of living from money I earned then damnit, I am well within my marital rights to do what the hell I want! But no, there's that ball and chain-- I mean, that wedding ring that is keeping you exactly 1" away from that one woman that looks like everything your wife does not. It's torture I tell ya! Torture! But what if you're not a celebrity? Is marriage worth it for the common man? Side note: you have to excuse the male perspective in this post a tiny bit, seeing as how 1. Marriage is always worth it for women( *gasp* Did he really just say that?!) and 2. I'm a man! Anyway, is it worth it for the common man? I'd have to go with maybe. At least in this scenario you can factor in love. Why? Well,because both of you mofos are broke and two broke people don't have anything BUT love lol. Now,now...I know every "Joe the plumber" and "Jane the girl who needs her drains snaked" isn't poor, but for the sake of argument, they are in this post. Here's the thing, on the level of the common man, I think marriage still has or can have its original significance. Sadly, America has corrupted it so. Another deterrent is finance. Like it or not, there is a price tag on love and it ain't cheap. In addition to that, you're royally screwed if one party happens to have bad credit. As if all of that weren't enough, the reality is most people(women), at least in my experience, do not want marriage for the love. No. They want it for the legal paperwork behind it. This leads me to believe that contemporary marriage is nothing more than a business deal. Your breach of contract? Infidelity or whatever the bride sees fit, because if the system works for anyone, its white folks and women. The penalty for breach of contract? One angry woman screaming "I want half!". Oh, and you will be coming up off half because resistance is futile. To be fair, lets take finance(or the lack thereof) out of the picture. Two good credit having lovebirds decide they want to tie the knot. Good idea? Well, that's really up to them. Bless their lil' hearts. I just hope in their moment of bliss, they realize that the statistics are against them. Sure it's nice to live in a fairytale and think that you'll live happily ever after, but the odds are against you. In conclusion, marriage is overrated. Deal with it.

Elmo runs rampant!

Good people, I come bearing great news today! While at work, doing my normal 'sit on my ass and fight sleep' routine, I started reading the paper and what do I see? A picture of Elmo The Grouch! Yes, ELMO- not Oscar. Under normal circumstances, after seeing or hearing about Elmo, disdain sets in. Not this time. Today, Elmo was a little drop of joy because some guy in a costume was being--and I kid you not--an all out asshole! According to reporters, Elmo was demanding money for photos and pushing tourists away that tried to snap pics. One child even said, "mommy, what's wrong with Elmo?" Can we say CLASSIC?! All of this happened in Times Square and served as a reminder to why I love NY! I mean, you just can't get randomness like that anywhere else(except maybe LA). Seriously, what can bring more joy than knowing that your child's favorite Sesame Street character is out there terrorizing kids AND the annoying tourists that seem to have taken over the vast majority of NY? If you ask me, this guy's a hero! But wait, there's a cherry on top. When asked why he was acting the way he acted, Elmo simply replied, "Elmo needs money too." LMAO!

A "hero" in Harlem

To use Twitter terms, one of the trending topics in NYC news reports is that of a business owner in Harlem, who thwarted a robbery by shooting two of the four assailants dead and injuring the other two critically. Let me repeat that for you. HE SHOT THEM DEAD. After several attempts at trying to talk the the young men(one, age 29 and the remaining 3, ages 21) out of committing the heinous crime, he took justice into his own hands, saving his employee of several years from the beating by pistol that he was receiving. His weapon of choice? A 12-gauge, UNLICENSED shotgun. Just to further paint the picture, this is a 72 yr old man we're speaking of. He claims he is torn up by his actions, but was left with no choice. Here's the thing that gets me: he's getting away scot-free. Not a charge in sight. Do you know how hard it is to get off on a self defense? They were shot in the back, mind you. If you haven't figured out by now, Mr.Vigilante--who the cops and some locals are calling a hero--is of course, a white man. The scary thing is, it almost seems as though this is becoming a recent trend in Harlem. The classic story of "white man kills black man and gets away unscathed." YES. They had ABSOLUTELY NO BUSINESS trying to rob someone. I could care less how hard times are; there's no excuse to eat off another person's plate forcefully. A hero though? REALLY? Murder is HEROIC now? Hell, I would've felt better if he would've at least been charged with something initially. At least give the impression of fairness in the so called "justice" system. He had an unlicensed shotgun and shot and killed not one, but TWO men. Can someone tell me what in the hell type of law enforcement is that?! I'm not even a cop and I'm pretty sure what he did was manslaughter. Again, my beef isn't with the owner/shooter. I truly believe he is sincere in his regret. I'm just alluding to the sad fact that he did what he did and was able to do what he did, because he was the "right" color.

"Made In America"

Here's an interesting video I've been watching in bits and pieces all day(gotta love distractions). It's called "Made In America" and it discusses the gang problem in LA,among other things. Why does this matter to my NY ass? Well, for one, gangs are now an national issue. Also, this documentary gives a profound take on poverty and the effects of it. I felt it only right that I share it with whomever I can, because unlike the many videos you may(or may not) find showing a bunch of rowdy ass nigg(ers) toting guns and making threats, this documentary shows the pain of these people and identifies the REAL problem plaguing inner city neighborhoods. Enjoy!

When independence goes wrong

I love that song. Truer words were never spoken if you ask me. Here's the thing, though, how much is too much? Don't get me wrong, a little--maybe even a lot of independence is good, but when you cross the line from Ms.Independent to Ms.I'msoindependentandscornedthatImask-
-mylonelinesswithminusculeachievementsbecauseIdon'tneednoman start seeking help...seriously. Sadly, the latter is more common (at least in my experience) and it's especially common in black women. Now, now, I'm not knocking the mother-fathers out there, working hard to compensate for the faults of the sperm donor. I'm talking about the woman with no child, turning her nose up at every man that approaches her, wanting to be a man. Let a man be a man, woman! It's no wonder you're single, when out the gate you're hitting guys with the pigeon-like neck movement,hand waving, and sassy words of "I don't need you, I got my own!" Yeah...REAL attractive. So let's see...how can I help you with your independence? For starters, you can apply the rule "silence is golden." Yes. Simply put, shut the fuck up! Don't spend my time and yours, tooting your own horn. I'm happy you can hold your own. Really, I am. But until you shut up, your independence will be more of a deterrent than bad breath and a lot of "H" words. Secondly, don't let let a man trip over your baggage. Sure, your scorn is the reason that drives you to be in it for you, but remember, a relationship on any level takes two, not you.Hey, that rhymed! Any who, constantly lamenting about how this one and that one did you wrong makes for good conversation sometimes, but really? Do you really want to lay your baggage out like a fresh mine field, waiting to be stepped on? I would certainly hope not. Again, I say, let the man be a man, even if he isn't. It wouldn't kill you to at least let him think he has some power. Lastly, stay away from cats. What do cat's have to do with any of this,right? Well, lets just say if you keep pushing good men away with your independence that your future will look like this:

"Man gets abducted by liger aliens"

In my daily Facebook travels, I frequent groups...roasting groups. Though they're often entirely too critical--ok I'll be honest--entirely too nit-picky with photos posted; it's still fun to read the outrageous comments. Anyway, while perusing through the the comments under this one particular pic of this gay dude who has entirely TOO MUCH to say, I see him call some of his roasters homophobic. Yes, that is what inspired this blog and as I'm sure you may have figured out, the title has nothing to do with what this blog is about. On the bright side, it is quite idiotic and funny. If you don't think so then burn in hell! Hmph! Now, why is it that people of the gay persuasion always feel the need to yell "homophobe!" whenever someone doesn't agree with their lifestyle? I will be honest, there are some gays that I'm quite scared of. They usually tend to look like D-Bo and are frighteningly aggressive. Also a bit frightening, are those that I like to call the "sassy faggots". We've all seen them. They're usually the ones to snap their fingers while screaming "oh no he didn't!" and then proceeding to act in a manner reminiscent of Tyler Perry's character, Madia. Not as scary as the aggressive, 'just got out the pen' gay man, but still no one you want to cross paths with. So what is it? What is there to be scared of, aside from the aforementioned? Is it because of the thought of many straight men, that every gay man wants them? Is it a genuine FEAR of homosexuality or simply contempt? I really couldn't tell ya, but I do know this: this fool scares the hell out of me!

Whatcha gonna do?

Come on, sing it with me, "Bad boys!Bad boys!What'cha gonna do? What'cha gonna do when they come for you?" Truer words were never spoken. What are you gonna do when they come for you? I like to think that I'm a man in a shark tank known as NYC and of course, they pigs are the sharks(lol@ pigs are sharks. Where do I come up with this stuff?). Anyway, the pigs are the sharks and every little thing I do is me bleeding more into the water and attracting them. No. I'm no crook, but that's because I don't have to be in order to be harassed(lucky me). What is it about cops that make them ALL so arrogant? Yes, ALL. Fuck 'em all! As I'm driving home last night, what pulls up in front of me? A Chevy Impala going soooooooo slooooooooooooow, right in the middle of two lanes resulting in me and everyone else behind them having no passage. Of course, if I were to go around their slow asses they'd likely get with flashing the lights and such. What do I do? NOTHING and it hurt! See, the truth of the matter is, when they[the pigs] come for you, you can't do a damn thing except take the non-lubed shafting that they're anxiously awaiting to hand out. It is for that very reason why I flip every last one of them the bird when I see them! Try it. You'd be surprised how good it feels. Thats my rant for today. Till next time folks,keep ya middle fingers up!

It's 10pm. Do you know where your children are?

Those were the good ol' days. Now, I don't know what has become of the youth and more so, the parents. As I'm driving home tonight, I'm waiting at a red light and off in the near distance I hear the chirping of two birds. As these young ladies get closer and eventually begin to cross the street, they ask me if I have the time. As a matter of fact, I DID have the time and instead of telling them "12:41", I should have said "yeah, it's time for y'all to get y'alls young asses indoors!" I kid you not, these girls couldn't have been more than 15 years old. WHY are they out so late by themselves? There wasn't an adult as far as the eye could see. Then, here's the icing on the cake, after telling them the time, one of the girls begins calling the other a "stupid bitch". I suppose one could say it was playfully, but again, where the hell are they getting the idea that it's ok to speak like that? Where are the parents?! It is the lack of parents or should I say, attentive parents, why the problem of morally decaying youth is augmented. Someone school these parents so that they can school their children! Anyway, I'm tired. Peace out!

Who wears the mask?

Oh yeah! I'm about to piss in a lot of people's coffee with this post! Chris Brown--*chaos ensues*-- how bad is he,really? Before going any further, let me clearly and boldly state that BY NO MEANS DO I CONDONE THE BEATING OF INNOCENT WOMEN!!! Now, what I'm going to attempt to do is make you THINK OBJECTIVELY. Sure, this is old news to some, but still a hot topic to many. How much of a villain is he? Let's put the fame, fortune, and talent aside for a second and really THINK about this situation--HIS situation. Here is a young black man(strike 1) who has managed to get caught up in some shit(strike 2) and now the long arm of the law is involved. As if that weren't enough, the media artists are painting quite a picture for your viewing pleasure. Again, I say, I don't condone the beating of INNOCENT women or for that matter, innocent men. But what is innocence? Furthermore,would there be this much public outcry were it the other way around? My guess is NO. It saddens me to STILL see people with wood in hand, ready to build the next cross to crucify him. Why? Were you there? Do you know what happened or are you just working off the fact that the very society that used to and often still does oppress women, is pushing the idea that never, under ANY circumstances, do you lay hands on a female? Don't give me that "what if it were your sister or your mother, etc. etc." Let's just say when that situation came up, I was there and yes, I was infuriated, but you know what? I knew the facts! Besides, even if I didn't, this is family we're speaking about so of course my blood is always right. Any way, the point is, the FACTS--not opinions or media spins--were known. The truth is, we the people do not know the facts. I am not Rihanna's brother and if I were, I would've had a glass broken over my head. Yes, she's done that before and proudly boasted about it. That being said, she's clearly not helpless. Does that justify what CB did? NO. However, I think it puts a new twist into things. Also, her reluctance to feed him to the sharks(which I'm certain is not because she's scared of another 'beating') says something as well. Is it love? Perhaps. I think it's because she knows he doesn't deserve all the negativity he's getting, because she knows she's ape shit. That's just my opinion though. Look, I'm not saying he is right for doing what he did. I'm simply saying 1.Is he as wrong as he's painted out to be and 2.I'm challenging the idea that women should never be hit...EVER. Pick your battles ladies. If you can't kick his ass, why hit him like you can? I'll tell you why. Because if he hits you back, EEEEEEVERYONE and their lineage is going to write him off as the evil villain woman beater, while you get off scot-free. It's simply dangerous to leave such power in the hands of a scorned woman. What did Rihanna do? Did she hit him first? Do you REALLY believe he is an abusive man? Somehow, I doubt it. To be quite honest, it's so much easier to grab your pitchfork and torch and join the angry mob looking to execute CB than to think about the FACTS of the situation--their situation--and let them work it out themselves. It's all strategy, folks. I put that picture there out the gate and posed the question for a reason. Who is wearing the executioner mask? Who is that holding the ax, ready to chop off the head of the next propagated offender? The answer is...YOU. Know the FACTS. Don't just be the masked killer.

Ms.Anonymous

I never much cared for the for the idea of giving the girl my number so "she can call me". Riiiiiight. While we're selling each other lies, I drive a Lamborghini and am heir to a gazillion dollars. What's the big deal with a number anyway? It's not like the old days of no caller ID. You don't have to worry that if you miss a call and *69, Mr.Undesireable will be anxiously awaiting on the other end. You certainly don't have the obligation to answer the call either,but nooooo. That's just not good enough is it? No. You're power hungry. You want to be able to call him up and interrupt his daily process,knowing he can't return the favor or even worse, you want to interrupt his life by killing him slowly with the suspense arising from your lack of a simple phone call! It's just sickening! They should make that a form of capital punishment. "So, Mr.Akmaanahshsdfgd, are you a terrorist?". Akmaanahshsdfgd replies, "No! You won't get me to talk!". Femlae agent: "I see you wanna play hardball. Give me your number; I'll call you". Needless to say, the end of the story resulted in the obtaining of information. Maybe it's the subconscious desire to feel like a celebrity why women do it. It can't possibly be that the guy is soooooooo ugly and beneath you, because you would've ran away screaming upon his approach if it were that bad. Then there's the lack of names and such. You ask the girl her name and she replies "My name is Ms.Luxurious". That's two red flags just from the introduction. The first, being, she could be a stripper with a name like that and the second being wtf is she hiding why she can't give her name out? Pardon my French, but bitch are you a convict on the run?! Hell, if you're uninterested in anything an approaching man has to say, just tell him you're fresh out the pen. I'm 95% sure that'll work. So to all the anonymous misses out there, I hope you know who you are 'cause I sure don't.

The hidden dangers of RMS

Today, I come with a message of caution. Of what, you ask? There is an unspoken,perhaps even unseen threat to all that is good and it must be addressed before it is too late. Random moments of sensitivity(RMS), or what some experts would call 'bitchassness', is one of the most dangerous infections a person can have. At any given moment, a person infected with bitchassness can snap at the slightest thing,thus creating a problem in normal human interaction. One paricularly sad story of RMS tells of a man speaking to his friend of 20yrs who--for the sake of privacy-- we'll call "John". John,being infected with RMS, unbeknownst to his dear friend, suddenly snapped at the mention of grabbing a bite to eat. The two men argued incessantly over where to go and what to get. John killed his friend that night. 20yrs down the drain over one random moment of sensitivity. After extensive research, scientists have yet to find the cause of this illness, however, solutions are on the horizon. If you have encountered,will encounter, or are encountering a person infected with bitchassness, the best available solution is to just stay silent. Though we cannot guarantee that silence will prevent an infected from spazzing, we can assure you that it will likely prevent irreparable damage.

And now for a record breaking post...

An historic. It makes no sense. 'Nough said.

"Believe half of what you see, none of what you hear..."-Hov

Today, I was reminded of a lesson I learned a LONG time ago; people are nucking FUTS! What it is that drives a man to madness? I'm not talking about the type of madness that affords you the opportunity to have a tough redneck named Jim living inside you when in all actuality, you're a black man. I'm talking about the type of madness that drives a person to have such bastardized views of what is and try and push them on you as if those views are the truth. REALITY CHECK! YOU, SIR, are nothing short of CRAZY! It's sort of like how you can tell ten people a story and by the time it gets to the tenth person, the story goes from "hey did you know Jack and Jill went up the hill?" to "hey did you know Tom, Dick, and Harry jumped Jack, took his car while Jill was in it and had their way with her?And get this, they didn't even get the bucket of water!". I really find myself wondering--too often, might I add--what type of special imbecile are you to experience something and get an entirely different reality than what it is? Like, dude, what fucking looking glass are you seeing through? What drug are you on? Furthermore, why the hell are you trying to sell me you're story, as if I weren't in the thick of it with you? I know, I know, wtf is this guy talking about right? I am talking about no one worth mentioning, but someone worth writing about. Why? Because as fun as it is to call people stupid and crazy to their face, it's even more fun to call them a bunch of witless imbeciles in writing! So, to the many mindless ingrates that inspired such a writing today, thanks for the inspiration! To the the innocent readers of this post, steer clear of Tom, Dick, and Harry. Rumor has it, they're dangerous.

P.S.
I had a different ending in mind, relating back to the video, but ahh well; at least it matches the title!

That's a BET I wouldn't make

Someone PLEASE tell me, what oh what has happened to BET? Am I losing my mind or has it gone 'Coon TV'? I remember the good ol' days where there was a modicum of originality. I remember the days of Hell Date--no, not the shit for a show they have now--the REAL Hell Date. Why? Why did they massacre this channel? If there ever were a channel that is an epic fail, this would be it. B.E.T. has single handedly destroyed the black entertainment part of the channel and replaced it with what I like to call "MTV in black, with a sprinkle of VH1". No longer will the higher ups use their pea-brains to think of the next genius show to make available for our viewing pleasure. Noooo...let's just see what MTV does and we'll make the 'black' version! Come on! Do better B.E.T. Bring the real entertainment back., because you guys are looking a mess out there in TV land; especially after that award show. Yeah,yeah short notice this and short notice that;but live TV doesn't lie. Why? Why the hell were there little girls on stage singing and dancing to "I just wanna fuck every girl in the world"? When I was younger, you at least had to be 18--hell,you could maybe even get away with looking 18--to be on stage like that. My how times have changed! I wish there were a name for the jack move B.E.T. pulled. Oh wait, there is! They pulled a Twitter! Yes, a Twitter. Twitter said "hey,Facebook may be onto something with those status updates. By George I've got it!" And what did B.E.T. say, you ask? B.E.T. said "hey, I think MTV maybe be onto something with real world. By George I've got it!" and voila, College Hill is born. To the old B.E.T. wherever you are, come back; you are truly missed.

The start of a beautiful friendship...naaahh I just want the ass!

So here I am, listening to the classic story of how guy wants girl, girl has man, guy has no clue that girl will be forever uninterested, when I'm suddenly inspired to write. What is with you women thinking you're such hot shit that EVERY guy that approaches you just wants to run up in you slow(or fast, for those who fuck like rabbits)? Ever think maybe, just MAYBE a guy actually wants friendship FIRST when he approaches you? Granted, I don't know any guys like that, but I'm sure they're out there--possibly in the farthest corners of the Earth--but out there nonetheless. I'm starting to think maybe the real situation is YOU want him to want the draws so that you can deny the draws, resulting in the always fun game of cat and mouse. Who wins there? You, of course! And it is at his expense smh. Poor guy is left chasing you and feeling like no one wants him while you're there feeling great knowing at least one other person wants you(guess your man wasn't crazy for dating you after all). I once heard the phantom of the opera was one such guy, seeking only the friendship of a woman. Good luck finding him though. You know what I think you should do? The next guy that approaches you--wanting the draws of course,because they ALWAYS do--look him in the eye,keep a straight face and say 'look guy, all I want is sex'. Make sure you have a prison-like gaze when you say this otherwise he'll just think "jackpot!". The goal is to be uber aggressive, causing him to flee in fear of rape. Let me know how it turns out.

When keeping it real goes wrong

I never really took the time to mention why I named my blog what I named it. Well...to be quite honest. Yes. That's it. To be quite honest. I wanted to put into writing the realness that is my words so that you can have it to refer back to later(how kind am I?). Too often a time, a situation come up that calls for "real talk" but alas, no one is there to provide it. Worry no more, good people; for I am here and in my presence I shall provide to you nothing but the real! You may read one of my posts one day and very well may not like it and that's ok. Such is the price of honesty sometimes. As long as you respect it then I won't have to defame your good name =). Now that the necessities are all done, lets get onto the title; "When keeping it real goes wrong". Oh goodie! Don't those make for such fun moments? I like to think of moments like those as little gems of happiness, sent to me from above. There's nothing worse than say...trying to reality check someone when you don't have your shit together. Oh yes, I sense a telling off about to ensue! Oh, how about when you call yourself going to kick someone's ass and the end result is you on the floor with a broken jaw and scuffed up clothing?CLASSIC! Now of course, that last one was a sort of a segue into my next point--picking your battles. I can't express how sad it is that the going notion in the 'hood is "fight any and everybody who you feel or someone else feels disrespected you otherwise you PUSSY!YOU PUSSY ASS NIGGA!". I mean damn! Am I really a pussy for not fighting the 7'10,450lbs of all muscle, just got out the pen, triple o.g. JUST because he said "yo son, ya girl got a fat ass!"? I think I'd take the L on that one, but of course, as it is in the 'hood, I'd look like a pussy in the eyes of some. Who formulated these ideas? Was it--dun dun duuuuuun--the man?!*Gasp* No. I mean, I'm sure he had something to do with perpetuating the idea, but just as accountable are the people in these hoods. It just doesn't seem worth the trouble to get into a 1 on 20 just because I don't want to seem pussy. I'm no superthug. Even if I had a pistol in such a situation, the end result would likely still be an ass whooping; although "thugs" tend to scatter when guns come out. It's STUPID! Put your dignity to the side for a split second and think about what you're about to get into. This isn't Sparta nor do you have an army of 300 to back you. You aren't Braveheart either and you can get touched!

Better late than never...

I realize I'm pretty late with this post, but hey, why not write about him after all the hype has died down? South Park knows him as Michael Jefferson, flippant media knows him as Wacko Jacko, fans know him as the King of Pop, and his family knows him as Michael Jackson. This man--excuse me--this BLACK man, has left such a mark on not only America, but the world. Personally, I don't know of anyone who doesn't know the moves to either Thriller, Beat It or both. If you're the one LOSER on the planet that doesn't know the moves to one of these songs then I truly feel for you. And now, a brief break for one of the hardest songs he's ever made... *screaming like a little girl*OMG!!! What I'd do to learn that guitar part! Seriously though, what artist today can get away with such ad-libs as "chamown" and "heeeeeheeee", all while grabbing his crotch, spinning,AND wearing high waters? I can't think of any! Picture that; one of the top artists of today trying to pull off such a look...BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! It would be pure COMEDY!*Jay-Z gets on stage in front of a crowd of thousands* Uh! Hovi's home yup! *grabs crotch and yells 'heeeheeee'* LMAO! Alright, enough with the shenanigans. Michael Jackson, though clearly a troubled man, was a very genuine one in my humble opinion. I think it's sad that even in death, he cannot find peace due to the likely, right wing media and their lack of respect for those that blacks and several other people hold in high regard. Aww man here he goes talkin' 'bout race again! Damn right! Like it or not, race is here and it's queer! Any way, I feel myself about to go off on a silly tangent so I will bid thee farewell. Till next time, good people...CHAMOWN!

Dream on, dreamers

What's in a dream? Is it a prophecy? Is it a warning? Is it...a wish? I always say-- in the context of success-- that I don't dream. Sure, for some, dreams do come true. With the dreams I tend to have, I'd rather they stay in my head, but that's a different story. Dreaming is nice, but I think there's a certain element of fantasy to them. I think there's a certain connotation of unattainability associated with dreaming. If you have the mindset of "I can do anything I put my mind to" or even "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me", then dreaming should be out the question. Those mindsets say that when you focus your strength or your mind on something, it gets done! So if you want something, don't dream about it; achieve it! Save your dreams for times when you aren't getting any lovin' and thinking about the opposite sex gets you through the day(let's pray times never get that hard). Speaking of which, I don't think I've ever had one of the famous "wet dreams" everyone so jubilantly speaks about. Am I missing out? I mean, I really want to wake up with cum stains on my draws, wondering what the hell happened. Too explicit? Ok, Ok, moving right along. So yeah, dreaming isn't for me because I think if I want it bad enough, I'll get it. I may not get it as soon as I want(e.g. my future Benz), but I will get it sooner than later. So to you I say this, if you see me dreaming, wake me. If I'm having a wet dream, wake me faster; I don't need the jizz in my pants!

The endless race

Today, trying to keep myself entertained during this ever-so-eventful summer, I was youtubing. Idk if it's like this for anyone else, but I often find the comments more interesting than the actual video I may be watching(gotta love the randomness of it all). Anyway, I watched this video and like always, there's some fucktard who feels the need to say some down right ig'nant shit in the comments and this just so happened to be his lucky day! I was feeling all types of mischievous, yes I was! Needless to say, I responded to the nimrod. Here's the funny thing though, some other nimrod decided he'd respond to my response(I guess on nimrod #1's behalf)! *Heated debate ensues* I wonder where the hell people get their ideas from. This fool's gonna go and say--wait, let me address nimrod #1 first. Nimrod 1 said, in short, slavery was tantamount to volunteer work. WHAAAAAT?! Then here comes ingoramus #2 saying blacks should be thankful for slavery!WHAAAAAT?! Yeah, because it was SUCH a favor to us!BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!I laugh, but it's really no laughing matter. It really baffles me how people come up with these twisted views! *sigh* It matters not. I just think it's sad that these thoughts are still out there. Slavery was volunteer work?Slavery was a favor to blacks?SMFH! It seems as though every time a video is uploaded on youtube, if there's a black person in it, sure enough, here comes the barrage of ignorant comments. don't believe me? Check for yourself. As for the video I watched, I don't know how I feel about it. I've found myself on the fence about a lot of things involving race lately. Here's the vid. Funny? You be the judge. For now, I'll just stick to my double entendres and my occasional youtube mischief. "Racism is an ism to which everyone in the world today is exposed; for or against, we must take sides. And the history of the future will differ according to the decision which we make." Benedict, Ruth

I don't give a--wait, what?

As I'm sure we've all heard the term, "I don't give a *insert what you don't give here*". I've used it, had it used on me, and know several people who use it when speaking to others. What perplexes me is the meaning of the phrase. Why would you give a fuck, shit,damn, rat's ass(huh?!), 2 shits or fucks(keep the shit),etc. to me as response or reaction to what I said to you? Picture that...Me:You know, I used to think you were cool; now I see you're not. Person:*hands me a rat's ass*. Me:*runs*. What?You wouldn't run if someone had ass of rat in their hand?Fuck keeping it G, I'm GONE! Any who, getting back to what I was saying, why on Earth would I want such a "gift"? Two shits?Not one, but TWO?! Gee, you're sooooo kind! Give me MORE shit please! I could really use as much shit as I can get; after all, my lawn is looking a little less green everyday! OK so maybe I don't want infinite amounts of shit(though I do think it'd make for greener grass); I'll definitely take you up on the two fucks though. I wonder, in the days of old, was there some nut job passing shit,fucks, and rat's asses to people who said or did things he/she didn't care about?My guess is yes. I'm a NYer so it wouldn't surprise me since there's people doing things like that today(gotta love the subway!).I will say this though, if you don't give a shit,damn,yada yada yada, I thank you. You have saved my hands from hours of sanitizing =).

Hercules! Hercules! Hercules!

You gotta love society sometimes. I've come across many a person--and even I am guilty of this at times--who haven't yet reached the "FTW" mentality, to be ever-so-comfortable in their own skin. I'm not talking about those instances where it's better to keep one's clothes on, lest he/she has a "now they KNOW they shouldn't be out here lookin' like that!" moment. I'm talking about those people that are so affected by society's insatiable desire to impose their often, Euro-centric standards of beauty, that they go as far as getting surgery or in Prof. Klump's case, take potions. Before I go any further, I do want to pose to you a question. How cool would it be if we could just take a weight loss potion? I'd finally have the sexy chocolate body I've longed for since high school--sans the side effects, of course; but I digress. I do find it unfortunate--mainly because I'm not the one raking in the big bucks off these things--that there are so many surgical options to 'fix' yourself. Is this a build-a-bear world now?Actually, I stand corrected, is it a build-a-human world now? Indeed it is! Hell, they can even customize babies(and I just might have to take them up on that offer)! Really though, where do such desires--and more importantly, such guts come from? I don't think I'd ever have the gall to get up and go under the knife for superficial reasons. MAYBE, and that's a BIG maybe, if some unfortunate event happened to mess up my handsome face then I might *gasp*. God, forbid such a thing happen. Truth be told, I'm far too scared to go under the knife for necessary reasons. Hell, I don't even like going to the dentist out of fear I may have cavities(that drill is a tool of the devil)! Luckily, I've never had to get anything other than root canals and other forms of dental torture--I mean, surgery. Seriously, if you feel that society can't accept you for you--flaws and all--don't go see Dr.Xzibit to 'pimp your body'. The solution to your problems is right there in the title. Stand in the mirror, take a deep breath, and chant. And for Pete's sake, stay away from potions!

Don't down 'em, crown 'em!

Recognize that line? If you don't, you suck. If you do, good job! That line is brought to you by none other than Pimpin' Ken. Never really knew what it meant until I decided to write this blog. I just thought it sounded cool to say. Win some money? Don't down 'em, crown 'em! Got off work early? Don't down 'em, crown 'em! Some seemingly innocent, but obnoxious little kid kicks you in the shin? Don't down 'em, crown 'em! See? It applies to everything! As it turns out, the quote is actually saying when someone hates on you or rather, when you feel the need to hate on someone, don't. By doing so, it just makes people more interesting in who or whatever it is you're hating on and it further solidifies that person or thing as something of value. Now, I can continue on with how nice of a philosophy that is and blah blah blah, but what fun would that be for anyone? Instead, allow me to go off on a tangent about how this one time, at band camp, I saw a girl stick a tuba in her "no-no" place. True story? Not for me, but probably for someone else.I do have a few tales of my own though. None of which involve tubas or no-no places. Hmm... maybe I should work on that. I do remember this one time, at home camp(yeah I really just said that), where I was playing with my G.I. Joes and my mom said, "Go outside". I knew that meant that upon my return, I was likely to find a few toys missing. I usually protected the ones I cherished most; everyone else[the toys] could fend for themselves. I would always get mad when I came home to find the newest addition to my G.I. Joe army, missing. Chances are, I would've been OK had I known the cardinal rule; don't down 'em, crown 'em! What? You didn't think I'd bring it back home?LOL

The Great Debaters

I must say, I am one who can appreciate a good debate, argument, contention or whatever term you decide to put to it. If it's a war of the minds count me in! That being said, if you're going to make it a point to make your point to me, then make your point to me! Again, I must mention that I like--maybe even LOVE--a good argument; so please... don't leave me hangin'! I cant stress how disappointing it is when I'm presented with a POV and the presenter doesn't have enough brainpower and patience, but mostly brainpower, to argue their point. Am I THAT good that my failure to be stumped and even more so, my failure to back down causes you to flee? Don't get me wrong, I AM that good, but do YOU think I'm that good too? Yes? You do think I'm that good? Well then, I'm glad we can agree on SOMETHING! LOL

P.S.

I DISAGREE!

Have camera?Will run!

Here I am, 2mins before I leave to the gym and what am I doing? Blogging about my inability to be photogenic. Why is it that I am plagued with this problem? I'd feel so much better knowing I look as good in pics as I do in person, but alas, it is- in my case- a give and take. It's almost as if God created me and said "Tz, I'll give you good looks, but I'll be damned if you have photographic evidence of it!" Ahh well.What can I do? Off to the gym I go!

No catchy title; just SMFH!!

So here I am, googling random nonsense and I come across this particularly sad and unfortunate website. What I stumbled upon was Thehoodup.com; which is a website for -and this is really the only way to put it- hood shit. I sat at my laptop -in amazement mind you- looking at the many categories of "hood" shit that members of this site can post threads in. Sadly, I'm sure the nimrod behind this website was someone of my own race. The 3 general breakdowns of threads are hood topics, regional hood topics, and -brace yourself for this last one- hood organizations! Wait- what?! Organizations? Are they trying to sound professional now? Granted, there is a large amount of structure that goes into gangs an all, but really? I thought a rather interesting twist to all of this ignorance was that it's not just [n-word] bullshit, but rather, bullshit from several races. In my own sick little mind, I find a degree of comfort in knowing we're not the only people dealing with the village idiots of a race. Anywho, seeing as how I got sidetracked( I swear some days I have the attention span of a 3yr old) I will say to the village idiots, do better and to the talented tenth, help them out! Why? Because we can't change the world unless we change ourselves!LMAO, I just wanted to say that. PEACE OUT!

Spam busters b*tch!

In todays world, I'm sure that spam mail is something we can all relate to. The real question is, how many of us are truly annoyed by it? I know I am! Every morning I get a little notification from my phone saying I have an email and guess who it's from? Friggin careerbuilders! Silly ol' me made the mistake of seeking employment through that site and I've been hounded by them ever since. So for all those like me who have felt the pain of spam mail, this one's for you.

Don't let the bedbugs bite!

Now there's a phrase that is all too familiar. Quite frankly I think it's a horrible thing to say before going to bed. The mere thought of insects crawling on me -- let alone FEASTING on me -- disturbs me greatly and it should disturb you too *shivers all over* . In any case, I didn't come here to tell tales of the indestructible bedbug; though I do have many. I think the real night-terror is none other than me! I mean, I simply canNOT help myself sometimes. In the midst of living my ever so exciting life, I somehow manage to drop everything when I spot heavy eyelids. Snoring? Great! That means your mouth is open and we all know what can happen to open-mouthed sleepers(no, not tea-bagging...ok, maybe once in awhile >=^] ). Really though, there's nothing like throwing a stack of books, a random teddy bear, a couple xbox controllers and a cable remote on top of someone's head and then snapping a picture for evidence. It just doesn't get any better than that! So next time you go to sleep, take a breath, make sure the coast is clear and remember that you could wake up with a book on your head.

PSA

Dear Bitches,

I'm writing you to tell you why we broke up. Why I cheated on you, don't respect you and why I finally woke up. Ms.Bitches, Ms.Bitches, you've hurt me so. Galavanting around the city streets; presenting yourself like a ho. Why did I wander, you ask?Why the hell wouldn't I? I've heard your tales of heartbreak with this man and that guy. Ms.Bitches, Ms. Bitches I never knew your first name. Disrespecting yourself was your only claim to fame. I remember the time when you called me out. "Don't call me no bitch!" moving your neck all about. I guess that's why us guys call y'all birds. But really, is the public eye the place to shout? Let a man be a man. Can't you stall that shit out? If you thought Chris Brown flipped, you ain't seen nothin' yet! Ok. OK...maybe that last line I might regret. But get what I'm saying? You have to chill. Never mind all that hood shit; all that "I gotta keep it real!". In the public eye, you're disgracing your race. I mean really, cut the middle man and put on blackface. Ms. Bitches, Ms. Bitches giving up good men for drug dealers. Then you wonder why they shake their heads while calling us niggers. I had high hopes. I thought we'd last forever. I can honestly say, Ms. Bitches, you're just too clever. You switched ya style up. Made it hard to be caught. I saw you cheating one time- or at least so I thought. So this is my good-bye; sayonara and my farewell. Only real women I'll deal with; they have less stories to tell.

Sincerely,
One fed-up brotha

A little bird says "tweet tweet"

I'm going to the store for some orange juice and a loaf of bread. Not really, but why in the hell would you care if I were? Surely, life has more substance to it than draining your cell battery or even worse, staying glued to a laptop watching the play-by-play on someone's life; or as many would call it, their "tweets". My how I've grown to despise that term. If you ask me(which I'm sure you have and if you haven't, you will), the real victims here are the birds. Yeah, I said it; the birds! Before the untimely creation of Twitter, "tweet" was a word synonymous with the sweet sound of birds chirping. Now look what it's become, a term for a friggin "track me down" website. Who the hell OK'd this?!