Who's Real? Who's Fake?

Who's real and who's fake? That's the question of the day.If I could read a woman's mind I bet that's what I'd hear her say. More often than not, when walking the streets, I'll see a woman or two(more like ten) that will catch my attention,but I'll also find myself looking at dudes. No, not to check them out, but for entertainment. As I grow older, it becomes more and more entertaining to watch the reactions of guys to a pretty woman...or just a good ol' fat ass! I mean there's just a plethora of approaches and none of which seem to work. Even going the compliment route doesn't work anymore. All that "hey girl,you look beautiful" is out the window with not even so much as a "thank you" or a smile. In my younger days(as if I'm so old now smh) I would've written the women off as rude bitches who think they're hot shit. However, after months of observation, I've noticed the problem...it's us fellas(sometimes).See,the problem with dudes is that to women, we're all the same and we all say we're different. So how can they separate the real ones from the ones spittin game? Some women would say to address them as miss. I say how about I don't and say I did? "Well,how do ya do it?!" Ok kiddies, listen up! The trick is not to compliment(at least not in the simple sense). Basic compliments are heard a dime a dozen. What you have to do is say something so completely outrageous that they'll be so taken aback that the simply can't help but laugh, like so:
Guy: Damn girl you look so good I'll suck a fart out yo ass!
Girl:*as she tries to hold in her laughter*LOL!
Guy:I see you smiling!<===that is your cue to go in for the kill!

SMH I always get sidetracked writing my blogs and as a result, I cut them short and end on a random note. That being said, this has been cooking with Pyro and I'm out. Konichiwa bitches!

Addiction

Addiction is a serious thing. Much like love, it causes you to do crazy things like run out in the middle of the night seeking to satisfy it's urges. It's been at least 10years since I've had this monkey on my back. So many times I'll find myself waking up, embracing the subtle taste of morning breath as I make my way to the kitchen. Yes, I wake up from my sleep jonesing for you. Damned addiction. My sweet,sweet addiction. Not ready to face the disappointment that comes with defeat, I prepare for my long journey...to the store. See, while some prefer crack,weed,cigarettes,or alcohol,I'm more of a sugar and snacks kinda guy. I've married Little Debbie,had Hostess host our reception, and had a Drake's cake with Pillsbury Doughboy and Lady Linda figurines on top. It was a joyous day. But I can't go on like this. Cheating on my KitKats with Twix. Seeing Oreos and sneak a Hershey's Kiss. Those delicious chocolate kisses...smh. I realized today I have to quit this habit. Why? Because I found myself paying .85c for a candy bar around my way. I know places where I can still get the goods for .50c! The nerve of them charging such inflated prices in the hood! I could understand if I were in Manhattan or if I were purchasing it from a vending machine, but a deli? A little neighborhood corner bodega having the nerve to charge so much for such a short fix? Absurd! I can't support my habit any longer. I need to save money,buy college books, pay for trips, I can't do it! The question is...how?

Listen up! You just might learn somethin'!

I found myself unusually happy today, which is strange for days where I have class, but Wednesday has become one of my favorite days this semester. I have a drawing class(and Lord knows I love to draw) and a class on writing about art. Not to toot my own horn, but I've been blessed with many a talent, thus affording me the opportunity to enjoy many a thing and one of those things is writing. It's been so long since I could say that I've enjoyed a class; especially one about writing, yet at the end of EVERY class I have the strong desire to shake my professor's hand and say, "Job well done!" I can't stress enough how important it is to have a good teacher and believe me, everyone can't teach! The class is actually, pretty ideal. The students participate, I learn things, needs are addressed as the class progresses(i.e. we don't just say, "Here's the syllabus and we're stickin' to it!"),we even have discussions and manage to stay on topic, but most of all I enjoy the class which means I'll do well in it. Before this goes onto some heartfelt nonsense, I just wanted to get off my chest, what I cannot yet express to my professor,lest I seem like an ass-kisser. JOB WELL DONE!

p.s.
Why does the black girl have such a grimace?!Racism I tell ya...racism!lol

Thin on the inside

I've decided to write this next blog keeping in the spirit of fat people. What is it with them and small things/spaces? I was on the train the other day and I saw a space fit for a toddler available across from me. I look up and there's this big,wide ass in my face moving about. As I cringed, I went back to reading my book, happy that at least the person is honest with herself and isn't trying to get in where she doesn't fit in--or so I thought. Wouldn't you know, she paced this way, then that way and sure enough, she got her big ass into that toddler-ready space! I couldn't believe it. It was like she was put into one of those spacevac things where they suck all the air out the bag to make your clothes fit into your suitcase better. I mean, how did she do it? Was it magic? David Copperfield where are you? No? Chris Angel,maybe? Ok, Ok, David Blaine. I couldn't help but chuckle to myself though. I don't know if it's because NYers are so used to the unusual or what, but the people to the left and the right of her didn't even react. The look of apathy was priceless! Any who, enough about her and her apparent problem with space assessment. Now I want to address this skinny jeans problem. The IRONY! Fat chicks in skinny jeans!LMAO I mean, it just doesn't get any better than that. Now, now...don't get me wrong, SOME(emphasis on some) can get away with wearing them, but the vast majority look like tops. Which reminds me, the fat girls' saving grace will be these damn dudes wearing skinny jeans! Who OK'd that?! Guys--in particular, the younger generation--you have different genitalia! How on Earth do you guys find room to fit into skinny jeans? Are you tucking? You must be. Then to make matters worse, there's that damn jerkin' dance! UGGGH!!!SHOOT ME(not really)! Seriously, that shit is gay as hell. You don't go say to another man "yeah we bout to start jerkin all day" and then consider yourself straight after that. Throw me a friggin bone here! Anyway, my distractions are many, so I'll just end it here. Before I go though, I'd like to shout out all the fat chicks that are thin on the inside!

Let's be real...

Here's an interesting vid I came across while perusing worldstarhiphop.com. A lady got offended at what she found on her receipt at a gas station and wants an apology from management. Watch as she tells her tale of gas station treachery, and losses all her points with her acceptance of a few select words.
Did you catch it? Her stating "...that I can understand; I am a black lady,but the 'big fat'?That I don't understand." (-_-)...REALLY? This lady apparently has not seen herself in quite sometime. How can she be so out of touch with herself that she can't take on the chin that she is big and fat? I mean COME ON! Throw me a frickin bone here,lady! Suppose the receipt just said "black lady". I'm sure she's not the only black lady for miles,so clearly that description alone would not have gotten her her money. Now if you throw a "big fat" on that bad larry then you got yourself a description! In fact, it would be even better if it said "big fat and eats all the snacks!" Yeah...that has a nice ring to it. So,kids, the moral of the story is this: cross in the green,never in between! Oh wait,no---that's not right. Ahhh yes! Denial of self is tantamount to blissful ignorance. Know thineself and ye shall know something or another. Look, I forgot how the phrase goes...sue me!