Till the death of my last nerve do we part.

Marriage. Some say it's a beautiful thing. Others(the ones who haven't yet lost their sanity) say it's nothing more than prison for the willing. As for the fence straddlers...well...they're fence straddlers! Screw them and their indifference! I pose to you the question: Is marriage worth it in the good ol' U.S. of Today? Well, let's see. There are many factors one has to consider. For starters, how high up on the totem pole are you? If you're making a hefty amount of money then I'd say there's no way in hell marriage is worth it. If you're a celebrity, forget about it. Let's not have another Britney situation or even worse, the dreaded divorce! I shed one tear drop every time I see one of these celebrity soon to be ex-husbands getting the non-lubed shaft that divorce has to offer. "Oh but he cheated on me and blah blah blah". So that means you should and have right to beat him in the head and the pockets through alimony? I call bullshit on that play! Hell, if you got used to a certain standard of living from money I earned then damnit, I am well within my marital rights to do what the hell I want! But no, there's that ball and chain-- I mean, that wedding ring that is keeping you exactly 1" away from that one woman that looks like everything your wife does not. It's torture I tell ya! Torture! But what if you're not a celebrity? Is marriage worth it for the common man? Side note: you have to excuse the male perspective in this post a tiny bit, seeing as how 1. Marriage is always worth it for women( *gasp* Did he really just say that?!) and 2. I'm a man! Anyway, is it worth it for the common man? I'd have to go with maybe. At least in this scenario you can factor in love. Why? Well,because both of you mofos are broke and two broke people don't have anything BUT love lol. Now,now...I know every "Joe the plumber" and "Jane the girl who needs her drains snaked" isn't poor, but for the sake of argument, they are in this post. Here's the thing, on the level of the common man, I think marriage still has or can have its original significance. Sadly, America has corrupted it so. Another deterrent is finance. Like it or not, there is a price tag on love and it ain't cheap. In addition to that, you're royally screwed if one party happens to have bad credit. As if all of that weren't enough, the reality is most people(women), at least in my experience, do not want marriage for the love. No. They want it for the legal paperwork behind it. This leads me to believe that contemporary marriage is nothing more than a business deal. Your breach of contract? Infidelity or whatever the bride sees fit, because if the system works for anyone, its white folks and women. The penalty for breach of contract? One angry woman screaming "I want half!". Oh, and you will be coming up off half because resistance is futile. To be fair, lets take finance(or the lack thereof) out of the picture. Two good credit having lovebirds decide they want to tie the knot. Good idea? Well, that's really up to them. Bless their lil' hearts. I just hope in their moment of bliss, they realize that the statistics are against them. Sure it's nice to live in a fairytale and think that you'll live happily ever after, but the odds are against you. In conclusion, marriage is overrated. Deal with it.

Elmo runs rampant!

Good people, I come bearing great news today! While at work, doing my normal 'sit on my ass and fight sleep' routine, I started reading the paper and what do I see? A picture of Elmo The Grouch! Yes, ELMO- not Oscar. Under normal circumstances, after seeing or hearing about Elmo, disdain sets in. Not this time. Today, Elmo was a little drop of joy because some guy in a costume was being--and I kid you not--an all out asshole! According to reporters, Elmo was demanding money for photos and pushing tourists away that tried to snap pics. One child even said, "mommy, what's wrong with Elmo?" Can we say CLASSIC?! All of this happened in Times Square and served as a reminder to why I love NY! I mean, you just can't get randomness like that anywhere else(except maybe LA). Seriously, what can bring more joy than knowing that your child's favorite Sesame Street character is out there terrorizing kids AND the annoying tourists that seem to have taken over the vast majority of NY? If you ask me, this guy's a hero! But wait, there's a cherry on top. When asked why he was acting the way he acted, Elmo simply replied, "Elmo needs money too." LMAO!

A "hero" in Harlem

To use Twitter terms, one of the trending topics in NYC news reports is that of a business owner in Harlem, who thwarted a robbery by shooting two of the four assailants dead and injuring the other two critically. Let me repeat that for you. HE SHOT THEM DEAD. After several attempts at trying to talk the the young men(one, age 29 and the remaining 3, ages 21) out of committing the heinous crime, he took justice into his own hands, saving his employee of several years from the beating by pistol that he was receiving. His weapon of choice? A 12-gauge, UNLICENSED shotgun. Just to further paint the picture, this is a 72 yr old man we're speaking of. He claims he is torn up by his actions, but was left with no choice. Here's the thing that gets me: he's getting away scot-free. Not a charge in sight. Do you know how hard it is to get off on a self defense? They were shot in the back, mind you. If you haven't figured out by now, Mr.Vigilante--who the cops and some locals are calling a hero--is of course, a white man. The scary thing is, it almost seems as though this is becoming a recent trend in Harlem. The classic story of "white man kills black man and gets away unscathed." YES. They had ABSOLUTELY NO BUSINESS trying to rob someone. I could care less how hard times are; there's no excuse to eat off another person's plate forcefully. A hero though? REALLY? Murder is HEROIC now? Hell, I would've felt better if he would've at least been charged with something initially. At least give the impression of fairness in the so called "justice" system. He had an unlicensed shotgun and shot and killed not one, but TWO men. Can someone tell me what in the hell type of law enforcement is that?! I'm not even a cop and I'm pretty sure what he did was manslaughter. Again, my beef isn't with the owner/shooter. I truly believe he is sincere in his regret. I'm just alluding to the sad fact that he did what he did and was able to do what he did, because he was the "right" color.

"Made In America"

Here's an interesting video I've been watching in bits and pieces all day(gotta love distractions). It's called "Made In America" and it discusses the gang problem in LA,among other things. Why does this matter to my NY ass? Well, for one, gangs are now an national issue. Also, this documentary gives a profound take on poverty and the effects of it. I felt it only right that I share it with whomever I can, because unlike the many videos you may(or may not) find showing a bunch of rowdy ass nigg(ers) toting guns and making threats, this documentary shows the pain of these people and identifies the REAL problem plaguing inner city neighborhoods. Enjoy!

When independence goes wrong

I love that song. Truer words were never spoken if you ask me. Here's the thing, though, how much is too much? Don't get me wrong, a little--maybe even a lot of independence is good, but when you cross the line from Ms.Independent to Ms.I'msoindependentandscornedthatImask-
-mylonelinesswithminusculeachievementsbecauseIdon'tneednoman start seeking help...seriously. Sadly, the latter is more common (at least in my experience) and it's especially common in black women. Now, now, I'm not knocking the mother-fathers out there, working hard to compensate for the faults of the sperm donor. I'm talking about the woman with no child, turning her nose up at every man that approaches her, wanting to be a man. Let a man be a man, woman! It's no wonder you're single, when out the gate you're hitting guys with the pigeon-like neck movement,hand waving, and sassy words of "I don't need you, I got my own!" Yeah...REAL attractive. So let's see...how can I help you with your independence? For starters, you can apply the rule "silence is golden." Yes. Simply put, shut the fuck up! Don't spend my time and yours, tooting your own horn. I'm happy you can hold your own. Really, I am. But until you shut up, your independence will be more of a deterrent than bad breath and a lot of "H" words. Secondly, don't let let a man trip over your baggage. Sure, your scorn is the reason that drives you to be in it for you, but remember, a relationship on any level takes two, not you.Hey, that rhymed! Any who, constantly lamenting about how this one and that one did you wrong makes for good conversation sometimes, but really? Do you really want to lay your baggage out like a fresh mine field, waiting to be stepped on? I would certainly hope not. Again, I say, let the man be a man, even if he isn't. It wouldn't kill you to at least let him think he has some power. Lastly, stay away from cats. What do cat's have to do with any of this,right? Well, lets just say if you keep pushing good men away with your independence that your future will look like this:

"Man gets abducted by liger aliens"

In my daily Facebook travels, I frequent groups...roasting groups. Though they're often entirely too critical--ok I'll be honest--entirely too nit-picky with photos posted; it's still fun to read the outrageous comments. Anyway, while perusing through the the comments under this one particular pic of this gay dude who has entirely TOO MUCH to say, I see him call some of his roasters homophobic. Yes, that is what inspired this blog and as I'm sure you may have figured out, the title has nothing to do with what this blog is about. On the bright side, it is quite idiotic and funny. If you don't think so then burn in hell! Hmph! Now, why is it that people of the gay persuasion always feel the need to yell "homophobe!" whenever someone doesn't agree with their lifestyle? I will be honest, there are some gays that I'm quite scared of. They usually tend to look like D-Bo and are frighteningly aggressive. Also a bit frightening, are those that I like to call the "sassy faggots". We've all seen them. They're usually the ones to snap their fingers while screaming "oh no he didn't!" and then proceeding to act in a manner reminiscent of Tyler Perry's character, Madia. Not as scary as the aggressive, 'just got out the pen' gay man, but still no one you want to cross paths with. So what is it? What is there to be scared of, aside from the aforementioned? Is it because of the thought of many straight men, that every gay man wants them? Is it a genuine FEAR of homosexuality or simply contempt? I really couldn't tell ya, but I do know this: this fool scares the hell out of me!

Whatcha gonna do?

Come on, sing it with me, "Bad boys!Bad boys!What'cha gonna do? What'cha gonna do when they come for you?" Truer words were never spoken. What are you gonna do when they come for you? I like to think that I'm a man in a shark tank known as NYC and of course, they pigs are the sharks(lol@ pigs are sharks. Where do I come up with this stuff?). Anyway, the pigs are the sharks and every little thing I do is me bleeding more into the water and attracting them. No. I'm no crook, but that's because I don't have to be in order to be harassed(lucky me). What is it about cops that make them ALL so arrogant? Yes, ALL. Fuck 'em all! As I'm driving home last night, what pulls up in front of me? A Chevy Impala going soooooooo slooooooooooooow, right in the middle of two lanes resulting in me and everyone else behind them having no passage. Of course, if I were to go around their slow asses they'd likely get with flashing the lights and such. What do I do? NOTHING and it hurt! See, the truth of the matter is, when they[the pigs] come for you, you can't do a damn thing except take the non-lubed shafting that they're anxiously awaiting to hand out. It is for that very reason why I flip every last one of them the bird when I see them! Try it. You'd be surprised how good it feels. Thats my rant for today. Till next time folks,keep ya middle fingers up!

It's 10pm. Do you know where your children are?

Those were the good ol' days. Now, I don't know what has become of the youth and more so, the parents. As I'm driving home tonight, I'm waiting at a red light and off in the near distance I hear the chirping of two birds. As these young ladies get closer and eventually begin to cross the street, they ask me if I have the time. As a matter of fact, I DID have the time and instead of telling them "12:41", I should have said "yeah, it's time for y'all to get y'alls young asses indoors!" I kid you not, these girls couldn't have been more than 15 years old. WHY are they out so late by themselves? There wasn't an adult as far as the eye could see. Then, here's the icing on the cake, after telling them the time, one of the girls begins calling the other a "stupid bitch". I suppose one could say it was playfully, but again, where the hell are they getting the idea that it's ok to speak like that? Where are the parents?! It is the lack of parents or should I say, attentive parents, why the problem of morally decaying youth is augmented. Someone school these parents so that they can school their children! Anyway, I'm tired. Peace out!

Who wears the mask?

Oh yeah! I'm about to piss in a lot of people's coffee with this post! Chris Brown--*chaos ensues*-- how bad is he,really? Before going any further, let me clearly and boldly state that BY NO MEANS DO I CONDONE THE BEATING OF INNOCENT WOMEN!!! Now, what I'm going to attempt to do is make you THINK OBJECTIVELY. Sure, this is old news to some, but still a hot topic to many. How much of a villain is he? Let's put the fame, fortune, and talent aside for a second and really THINK about this situation--HIS situation. Here is a young black man(strike 1) who has managed to get caught up in some shit(strike 2) and now the long arm of the law is involved. As if that weren't enough, the media artists are painting quite a picture for your viewing pleasure. Again, I say, I don't condone the beating of INNOCENT women or for that matter, innocent men. But what is innocence? Furthermore,would there be this much public outcry were it the other way around? My guess is NO. It saddens me to STILL see people with wood in hand, ready to build the next cross to crucify him. Why? Were you there? Do you know what happened or are you just working off the fact that the very society that used to and often still does oppress women, is pushing the idea that never, under ANY circumstances, do you lay hands on a female? Don't give me that "what if it were your sister or your mother, etc. etc." Let's just say when that situation came up, I was there and yes, I was infuriated, but you know what? I knew the facts! Besides, even if I didn't, this is family we're speaking about so of course my blood is always right. Any way, the point is, the FACTS--not opinions or media spins--were known. The truth is, we the people do not know the facts. I am not Rihanna's brother and if I were, I would've had a glass broken over my head. Yes, she's done that before and proudly boasted about it. That being said, she's clearly not helpless. Does that justify what CB did? NO. However, I think it puts a new twist into things. Also, her reluctance to feed him to the sharks(which I'm certain is not because she's scared of another 'beating') says something as well. Is it love? Perhaps. I think it's because she knows he doesn't deserve all the negativity he's getting, because she knows she's ape shit. That's just my opinion though. Look, I'm not saying he is right for doing what he did. I'm simply saying 1.Is he as wrong as he's painted out to be and 2.I'm challenging the idea that women should never be hit...EVER. Pick your battles ladies. If you can't kick his ass, why hit him like you can? I'll tell you why. Because if he hits you back, EEEEEEVERYONE and their lineage is going to write him off as the evil villain woman beater, while you get off scot-free. It's simply dangerous to leave such power in the hands of a scorned woman. What did Rihanna do? Did she hit him first? Do you REALLY believe he is an abusive man? Somehow, I doubt it. To be quite honest, it's so much easier to grab your pitchfork and torch and join the angry mob looking to execute CB than to think about the FACTS of the situation--their situation--and let them work it out themselves. It's all strategy, folks. I put that picture there out the gate and posed the question for a reason. Who is wearing the executioner mask? Who is that holding the ax, ready to chop off the head of the next propagated offender? The answer is...YOU. Know the FACTS. Don't just be the masked killer.

Ms.Anonymous

I never much cared for the for the idea of giving the girl my number so "she can call me". Riiiiiight. While we're selling each other lies, I drive a Lamborghini and am heir to a gazillion dollars. What's the big deal with a number anyway? It's not like the old days of no caller ID. You don't have to worry that if you miss a call and *69, Mr.Undesireable will be anxiously awaiting on the other end. You certainly don't have the obligation to answer the call either,but nooooo. That's just not good enough is it? No. You're power hungry. You want to be able to call him up and interrupt his daily process,knowing he can't return the favor or even worse, you want to interrupt his life by killing him slowly with the suspense arising from your lack of a simple phone call! It's just sickening! They should make that a form of capital punishment. "So, Mr.Akmaanahshsdfgd, are you a terrorist?". Akmaanahshsdfgd replies, "No! You won't get me to talk!". Femlae agent: "I see you wanna play hardball. Give me your number; I'll call you". Needless to say, the end of the story resulted in the obtaining of information. Maybe it's the subconscious desire to feel like a celebrity why women do it. It can't possibly be that the guy is soooooooo ugly and beneath you, because you would've ran away screaming upon his approach if it were that bad. Then there's the lack of names and such. You ask the girl her name and she replies "My name is Ms.Luxurious". That's two red flags just from the introduction. The first, being, she could be a stripper with a name like that and the second being wtf is she hiding why she can't give her name out? Pardon my French, but bitch are you a convict on the run?! Hell, if you're uninterested in anything an approaching man has to say, just tell him you're fresh out the pen. I'm 95% sure that'll work. So to all the anonymous misses out there, I hope you know who you are 'cause I sure don't.

The hidden dangers of RMS

Today, I come with a message of caution. Of what, you ask? There is an unspoken,perhaps even unseen threat to all that is good and it must be addressed before it is too late. Random moments of sensitivity(RMS), or what some experts would call 'bitchassness', is one of the most dangerous infections a person can have. At any given moment, a person infected with bitchassness can snap at the slightest thing,thus creating a problem in normal human interaction. One paricularly sad story of RMS tells of a man speaking to his friend of 20yrs who--for the sake of privacy-- we'll call "John". John,being infected with RMS, unbeknownst to his dear friend, suddenly snapped at the mention of grabbing a bite to eat. The two men argued incessantly over where to go and what to get. John killed his friend that night. 20yrs down the drain over one random moment of sensitivity. After extensive research, scientists have yet to find the cause of this illness, however, solutions are on the horizon. If you have encountered,will encounter, or are encountering a person infected with bitchassness, the best available solution is to just stay silent. Though we cannot guarantee that silence will prevent an infected from spazzing, we can assure you that it will likely prevent irreparable damage.